Michelle Johnson is an Team BeautyFit® Athlete, IFBB Bikini Pro, ISSA Specialist in Performance Nutrition, and Fitness Trainer who is recognized as a national level fitness authority, figure model, speaker and writer.
Her innovative workout programs have been implemented into some of the nation's leading health and fitness organizations. Her articles have been published by many leading industry magazines. She is an industry speaker on topics including weight management, wellness and group fitness.
All of her online services are available worldwide and some are managed in person.
Shift & Change: The Flip Side Of Rejection
As amazing as we humans are, we rely on social networks to survive. This is why rejection can feel so lousy. Most of us have experienced some mind-wrenching form of it throughout our lives. Many of us know what it is to be left out, talked poorly about, lose a client or not land an opportunity we had hoped for. The pain of being left out is not a whole lot different than what you feel when you injure yourself. Feelings of rejection can actually alter your emotions, cognition and physical health, if you don't learn positive ways to cope with these feelings. The best recourse is to "dust yourself off and get back up." We have a fundamental need to fit in and belong to a group or community. This need is so innate in us that it falls into the same human need as food and water. When things don't workout or go our way, it can sting our hearts, mind and spirit. It makes us burn inside, even obsess or do something to retaliate. We all know about those who go "postal." The rage of rejection can come with consequences and it's due to how unproductive and unresolved processing can do a lot of damage.
What causes some to get more focused vs someone who stores it as anger? There are chemical reactions that do occur when someone is rejected and can lead to heavy blocked emotions that come up in a negative way. But, it is a feeling of hope that can make all the difference. When we are feeling down, it takes only a feeling of hope on some level to positively reinforce the truth of whom we are. When we are rejected we forget and want to validate how someone has been wrong about or has gone out of their way to try to destroy us. Rejection is a great emotion to master since many of us experience it on many levels within our families, work life and social settings.
Feeling centered about who we are and having others who do believe in us is a great reminder that not everyone's reality and opinions are true. We don't have to believe or own what others say about us, but if we have a weakness there already, this can trigger a lot of unresolved stuff that reinforces a weak spot. Feeling thwarted by others can get to the core of our being and do a number on our psyche; it is how we respond to this feeling that can be a defining moment for our character. Many who suffer from rejection are motivated on going by training to regain that sense of acceptance.
Imagine how different some people's lives would love if their existence was not based on social acceptance? This certainly changes the view when we think of it that way. It's that very social acceptance they crave that causes them to reject others at times. These behaviors have gone on since the beginning of time and are a part of our competitive nature. When we feel separated from the people we put our attention on and aim to please and it doesn't go well, it can lead to making a person feel pretty darn crummy! The majority of us recover from our failed relationships within a reasonable amount of time and don't do anything damaging. Some people however lack the ability to handle their reactions to it and it can trigger lower emotions that are destructive. People are competitive by nature. The objective is to be successful at our relationships. When we experience rejection we also feel can feel we are failing on some level. It's those who do self-inventory and determine their next steps that are more likely to recover from these blows faster. For others, the rejection creates the opposite and they want to regain a sense of control and try to force others to conform to their way of thinking. These are those that resort to gossip or doing something to harm the person they feel rejected by.
It can take time to heal from feelings of rejection. Most people recover from their losses quickly because they don't get stuck because they live by a standard that you cannot please everyone all the time. There is a reality check that they do that helps them to continue on and get through even in the most difficult circumstances like a bad break-up or loss of a job. If there was a pill on the market to cure it, many of us would by it. The best medicine is to simply shift and change directions. Go in a direction that breeds positive energy for you. Whatever that means to you! Find that friend or environment you feel nourished, whole and complete again. There will always be a percentage of people who adore you and hopefully a smaller percent who don't if you do self-inventories. The best place to go is to your own heart and mind. Meditate on what the truth is in the matters. Did you do something to cause it? Is the other person behaving irrationally due to their own stuff? Try not to play into the drama of what it seems to represent. The best recourse is to let the sunshine in and focus on all the things you are doing well, have overcome and people who see it differently. If you feel you need to change, than visualize in your mind what that shift in you would look like to breed more cohesion within your interactions with others. This is especially important if they are not going away and are within your own family or community on a regular basis.
Of course there are cases of chronic rejection where the results lead to a feeling of lack, depression, self-doubt, substance or alcohol abuse and even suicidal thoughts. If you know someone going through this, offer kindness unconditionally and do something rather than ignore it. Reinforce something about this person that reminds them what they are feeling is temporary and that if they shift & change they will experience themselves once again differently or advise them to get professional help. Many people suffering from self abusive tendencies are feeling this rejection. It can be devastating to some who lack skills to cope. We all need to practice more love and kindness unconditional and show regard for others who need direction, love and who are suffering. Rather than turn our back when we see it, let's make a point to turn our hearts in a new direction and serve each other in the highest way. The reward of helping another through a dark time is like no other.
At times, we all need someone on our team to be our anchors. Sharing your vulnerability with others is a great opening to deepening your connection. It's important that if you feel overwhelmed by these feelings you do talk to other and allow them to give you a reality check. You just need to find your true self again. The self others shun or reject is not the whole picture. You're just not a fit there, but this does not mean you are not a fit anywhere! Another avenue is to focus on a goal and do something in the realm of self-improvement. There is not place like the gym or a workout studio to get that frustration, tension and feelings of anger out. This will lead to a stronger new improved you! We have to keep things in perspective. We know that "one man's fruit is another man's poison rationally, but we must keep ourselves in check emotionally if we are to survive and breed positive connections to others. The opinions of others can hurt, but isn't it all-subjective? We can be the best one-minute at something and then someone with more skill comes along making us look like amateurs. We can't weigh our self-esteem on these things. We have to create self-esteem by how we handle these moments and people in our life. We do have a choice to be resilient. Look at most things in your life emotionally as direct channels for personal growth. Recognize when something that rattles us comes up it means something is out of balance. Be thankful that you now have an opportunity to position yourself in the right settings, with the right people and right experiences that fit who you truly are and belong. Maybe we didn't win the show or the client over, but we know we will have opportunities to shine again. The very sting or burn you feel maybe the very catalyst you needed... to shift and change your life in a very positive new direction!